Husband & Doctor

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!"

Father's Day Jokes

Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father.

"Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."



An Army brat was boasting about his father to a Navy brat.

"My dad is an engineer. He can do everything. Do you know the Alps?"

"Yes," said the Navy brat.

"My dad has built them."

Then the naval kid spoke: "And do you know the Dead Sea?"

"Yes."

"It's my dad who's killed it!"

An honest lawyer Jokes

An independent woman started her own business. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my dad lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?

"He squirmed in his seat and admitted, "My dad sued me for the money."

13-Year-Old Alfie Is NOT the Father

Good?


We couldn't believe the news that 13-year-old Alfie Patten was the father of a newborn last month, and it turns out that impulse may have been founded in reality. After two boys challenged the paternity of little Maisie Roxanne, DNA tests were performed and the truth was revealed: Chantelle Stedman, the 14-year-old mother of the child, had lied about the paternity.

Well, more accurately, her mother had her lie about her virginity so that Alfie would be perceived as the father of the baby. At the time the initial challenge was made, Alfie jumped to defend Chantelle saying, "I am the only boyfriend Chantelle's had - and we've been together for two years. I must be the dad."

It's a tragic situation all around. Alfie is reportedly "devastated" by the results and, one would think, the revelation of the betrayal by his girlfriend. His mother has said, "It had not even crossed Alfie's mind whether Chantelle had not been faithful to him. He's absolutely devastated that these lads say they slept with her."

Here's hoping all the kids involved get the support they need to make it through this very public paternity case.

source from limelife